A failure essay

Amirul Othman
Professor Kv White

English 111

1 February 2009

First Sight of America

It was a windy cold night, the breezy cold air touches the surface of my skin and it lingered my whole body to shiver. The smell of melting ice dawned on me as I think of the bright future ahead of me. Once the snow touches my skin, I felt the cold warmth that surprises me though I’ve never seen snow my entire life. It was always the sun or the rain but never these beautiful flakes falling from the sky. As my father colleague’s pick us up in his red ford four-wheel drive, I stared out the window looking at the environment. It’s different here, compared to the environment back home. Seeing the white snow melting turning into black ice at night makes the road slippery makes our drive to the hotel seems to be an eternity. We checked in the hotel called Homewood Suite hotel located in Falls Church. The hotel service was very friendly and the room was indeed comfortable. The bed was so soft and my tired body was yearning to lie on it. As soon as I sleep on it my eye started to blur down then my white pillow and black blanket seems to blend together into my deep sleep.

I stayed in the hotel for a month doing meaningless daily routine like watching television while my father had already started his work in America. Being alone for a month made me think of my old friends back home and how much I miss them. I envied them a little because they were probably hanging out at our usual spot while I was here, in my room. My friends and I had made up this group called the IKR which includes a few of my closest friends. We shared secrets and have the same perspective of the world’s insight and out. Even today, I still wonder how they are doing in life and hoping that they are fine and well because I didn’t have any internet connection. As time goes by we finally found a house in Vienna. It was a wonderful place and reminded me of the suburbs in Desperate Housewives called Wisteria Lane. Massive roads were sort of a shock to me as I wonder if such space is necessary for normal cars to drive around. But the clear skies made the scenery more tranquil to any eyes. My house is creamy white and filled with cabinets. It includes a garage that can fit two cars like any standard suburban area. The front door is green but they look somewhat decayed. My house includes four rooms and three bathrooms. Rooms where big while the bathrooms all had bath tubs and the whole house had carpets. It’s the biggest house I’ve ever lived in because the place where I use to live in is the city. Everyone lives in small apartments with small living rooms and the smell of vehicles pollutions roams around your nostril. Although I got used to it, I still didn’t like the smell of the area. Once I got my house, things start to settle down and now I could think of is my future and planning to pursue my degree.

Once I got an internet connection and a laptop, I started to search a friend of mine that goes by the name of Imelda. I heard she was here in Virginia and I wanted to meet her up. She is a friend of mine back in high school and we use to take the same tutoring class for exams. Her skin is fair; literally like snow, her hair is long and black. It was a surprised that we actually met because transportation was a real issue. While we were talking, I explained to her about my plans in pursuing my degree and she introduced me to Northern Virginia Community College and how it is really easy get enrolled. As soon as I heard about that I told my father of this information and there is no stop in thinking about my future. I felt a little happier that I now have a purpose in life. My father took me to the college but I was seventeen at the moment and there was a slight problem of getting me enrolled. They say I had to go back to high school when I had already graduated from it. The feeling of depression and anger flown throughout my body at the college because they won’t let me enrolled because of my age. Luckily I came prepared with my high school leaving certificate. With some discussion and some persuasions and they finally approved it.

The next step was taking my placement test and got into level 4 ESL which devastated me. I realized the standard of English here in the USA was more than expected. I know I could have done a lot better but I came unprepared. Life has to move on and I continued to register my other classes. I started my first day of college; I was scared and anxious at the same time. The campus is nice and big. Walking to the CM building was a wonderful sight as I saw other students from other countries walk around. Then I went into my ESL class and sat down quietly as I waited for the lecturer. Looking around, it was weird because I saw middle aged and people around their late forties in my class while I was the youngest in class. Still waiting, I was reminded of the college scenery of a big pond in front filled with snow and the water turned into ice. There are a lot of students in college wearing all kind of fashion and come from varieties of race. Then the lecturer came in, introduced herself and class began to start. It’s a new beginning in my life in America I said to my self.

As time goes by in college, one of my objectives is to find new friends which seem impossible at that time. Everyone in college seems to have no time for themselves or friends. It was always class and then straight to work or the other way around. Roaming around college alone, I wished my friends were here. Any kind of company whom I can have conversation with would mean a lot to me. It was quite lonely and I had nothing to do. English is not my first language and this kept me from starting conversation with random people because I wasn’t fluent. Due to this fear of having conversation with people, I start to be active on the internet and chatting to random people. It was my way to get out of this loneliness. I found out that there were people out there in the world that gets online daily that feels the way as I do. I learnt that they too are in the same situation with me and their feeling of loneliness, fear, and shyness that led them to get online and chat with people. I talk to them daily and asked them how they are. We talk about things like normal people do but the fact that we never met each other seems like it’s never enough. As I kept this charade up, I started to realize that it’s pointless to actually have an internet friendship with one another knowing the fact that we are two worlds apart.

My realization became bigger of this nonsense that I started to become more depress and miserable. The thought of not knowing anyone in person to talk made me sad. One day I was having a bad day when I saw a bunch of young adults having fun. I told my father that I couldn’t live in America with any friends. I was almost in tears asked my father to send me back home and I could pursue my education there. I told him it was pointless to do ESL and I could have taken real subjects back home. I asked him, “father you told me that things will be so much easier in America and I’m doing worthless ESL subjects where I could of just take real subjects back home”. My feelings were all trembled and tears started running down my eyes rolling down my face hoping that one day I wouldn’t feel so lonely. It was the first time my father was speechless. That night, I took a deep breath in the cold air outside and just walk around outside hoping to clear my mind. As my thoughts became deeper, the cold air, clear sky and the bright moonlight shine down on me. It calmed me and I started to think more positively. This is an opportunity for me and I should be thankful to have this opportunity in my life. Only a few people in have this opportunity of education and nothing comes easy. America is a land of opportunity and possibilities. I could achieve anything if I wanted too. The next day my father brought two people that boost up my mentality. Their advice gave me realization in life. It just hit me that it is no longer high school. Living in America gave me a lesson in life that a great achievement never comes easy.

With that in mind I became more confident and started talking to people in college. I started asking their names and what their majors are. I got my shyness away and I am no longer depress and lonely. I know that I am going to a right path way. As the new president quoted Barrack Obama “If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress” and I know I am going in the right way. This New Year resolution I am going to prove my self to be a better person. I would want like to stop wining and just accept the things that I have. Being thankful to the advantages I’ve gotten will always note down on my brain. My dreams how I use to think of America the first day I arrived is all becoming a reality. I am now in English 111 and taking real subjects. I have friends now and I am taking slow steps of creating making a better life.